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I can tell, from your tone, that you’re speaking your truth, based on your experience, and I would never attempt to negate it. Your value goes up – your self-awareness, your experience, your wisdom, your sex drive, your income – and yet, to men, your value goes down.
And the main reasons it goes down are because he wants to have kids or because he’s still a slave to the Maxim aesthetic.
Everyone talks about how middle aged men want to date younger women, but take a look at some twentysomething profiles and you’ll notice how many are willing to date men up to twenty years older then them, but rule out candidates born 12 months after them.
That’s their perogative, but i can’t help but wonder how many women dated older men in their twenties, and then complained that their peers considered them too old 10 years later.
A number of them want younger women (never mind that I look much younger) – didn’t anyone tell these guys that women hit their sexual prime over 40:-)?
I’m besieged by the 50 set even though our lives are completely different (like my kids are young and theirs are grown and they don’t want anymore).
So Evan where can I find the emotionally available mentally healthy men who will appreciate a woman like me? Joan A very honest letter, Joan, which is particularly timely, given yesterday’s thematically similar posting. Now, by your estimation, there are no men out there who are either a) interested or b) qualified for a long-term relationship. And let’s delve into the assertion that “being a pretty, happy, vivacious ‘cool chick’ is a big negative strike against you. What is true is that your options are unfairly limited.
I anticipate that you speak for a lot of readers out there – quality woman who are frustrated at their ability to meet quality men. If we take everything you wrote at simply face value, you’re pretty close to the perfect woman. This is a dilemma that faces any woman on the far side of 35.
We remember our good deeds more than others’ good deeds. So am I saying that you, Joan, are anxious and negative? What I am saying is that you’re only seeing things from your own perspective. If you’ve gone out with a handful of guys who ended up with drama queens, that brings up a very obvious question: why would any man prefer a drama queen over you?
He gets his butt kicked time and again and then cries on my shoulder.
I’ve tried all the big dating websites and I go out a lot (that is another weird phenomenon – men my age sit home on the weekends and don’t go out and do anything so I never meet anyone by just going out and having fun).
One reason that women rarely want to consider (and I’m not necessarily applying this to you, Joan), is that with their experience comes a darker lining.
Moxie hit it on the head in yesterday’s post that successful, intelligent woman can often be anxious, self-righteous, negative, and entitled.